Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Courage and Thanksgiving

As I write I am sitting in a waiting room in an oversized medical gown waiting to have a needle biopsy on a lump I found last week in my right breast. Yes, I'm scared; yes, I've gone down the path of thinking the worst. And I've bounced back. I have no choice. I am in Alyssa-Land and I promised my little girl when she invited me here that I was going to stay for as long as she needed me.

No pain, no gain. That's the life lesson my Dad left me. He always used to say that as I was growing up. And at times it annoyed me to no end. But he was right. Every beautiful and worthwhile milestone in my life has not come without some struggle, some pain. But the gain has always been worth it. Maybe even more so, because of the pain.

There are other women in the room with me. I don't know their stories, but I can imagine their fears. I can only pray for them and hope that they will come out on the other end of this waiting game, stronger and triumphant. It's not easy to be brave. Courage, I believe, is being petrified and yet moving forward. Claiming the fear, trusting, keeping faith that all will be well in the end.

For Alyssa, there is nothing I wouldn't do. There isn't anything I wouldn't attempt to overcome. There is so much in my life to be thankful for, starting first and foremost with this beautiful angel who guides every step of my life.

Mommy will be ok, my Alyssa-bee, my baby bee. I love you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Alyssa-Land Express

Leaf wonder at Ryerson Woods
So I had this conversation yesterday at lunch with co-workers about age. As is common, some feel older than they are, some feel younger, and some don't really think about it at all. Which got me thinking. I just turned 36 last week and I'm one of those people who feel younger than they are. Especially now that I have Alyssa.

Now don't get me wrong, I certainly feel physically older - I mean pregnancy takes a toll on a woman's body - but that being said, I feel younger simply because I now get to view everyday through Alyssa's eyes.

Welcome aboard the Alyssa-Land Express! Every day is a new adventure; every new object, new experience, is amazing and wondrous. Alyssa never passes up the opportunity to stop and inspect the most mundane items that come across her path. Every moment is a party; every achievement is a celebration. Life is amazing already, but life through Alyssa's eyes, in Alyssa's world is phenomenal. It's a journey of discovery and she brings me along on each adventure.

We gain so much as we age. We process the world around us differently. We become more critical, more aware, and yet, because of all the cares and worries of being adult we've lost (or maybe forgotten) the ability to be wowed. So as I've struggled for the past 36 years to grow up, grow old, grow wise, I've found that I've also grown, well, predictable. I've grown to like certain things a certain way, and dismiss (or ignore) things that fall outside my narrow comfort zone. The trade-off to this comfort is that I'm only aware of what's in front of me, but not of what's around me.

Thankfully here comes Alyssa on her adventure ride; not even asking me to come along, but just dragging me with her along the way. And just like that it's as if a veil has been lifted. I look around me now and see in the mundane what could be a new discovery for Alyssa. What new and fabulous exploration can we go on today? Is bubble wrap a possible magic carpet ride? Are falling leaves a shower of gold and magic? Is the blowing wind a thousand kisses from unseen fairies? Who knows? But it's all awesome; it's all new; and it's all taking place in Alyssa-Land! Thank you, baby for sharing the ride.