Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Father Time, Slow Down!

It's been a year since my maternity leave was up and Alyssa started daycare. And it's been the fastest year of my life! I truly cannot believe, or even really fully grasp how the past twelve months have just gone by. A year ago, Alyssa was this fragile little baby who couldn't sit up on her own and wasn't even eating solid food yet. Today she's walking, speaking about 10 words, pointing at everything, has 8-10 teeth and is a voracious eater, sleeps with a pillow and a blanket, and knows how to manipulate Mommy and Daddy at will. When did this happen?!

When I think about it, I actually panic at the thought that it's gone by so fast... so Father Time, I beg of you - please slow down!

Why can't she stay a baby longer? Everyday she exerts some new form of independence; some new feat with a footnote that reads, "Mommy not necessary." Pause here for a long, deep sigh from Mommy. But then that's what being a Mommy is all about, isn't it? Come to think of it, I really only had nine months when she was mine, all mine. The moment she said "hello world" she was already making strides toward independence: breathing on her own; telling me that she was hungry, or sleepy or poopy; sitting up on her own; crawling; walking; climbing; eating; thinking... next thing I know she'll be asking for the car keys. I get that being a parent is about nurturing them, supporting them, loving them, and all along the way learning to let them go a little bit at a time.

But it really is the hardest job in the world. With every achievement my heart is so full of pride and joy; and at the same time it breaks a little to see her grow away from me just a teeny bit more. And that feeling right there, that is what being a Mommy is about.

So to my Mom: I get it now. You were right. I'm sorry. Thank you. And I love you.